


Because I Did It All (With You)

by doctornineandthreequarters



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Feelings Realization, Firehouse 118 Crew as Family (9-1-1 TV), First Kiss, Fluff, Love Confessions, M/M, Post-Episode: s04e05 Buck Begins, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-13 01:00:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29518452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doctornineandthreequarters/pseuds/doctornineandthreequarters
Summary: “You know,” Buck said. “You told me, when I left home, to find the thing that makes me happy. To find the people who make me feel loved.” Maddie nodded, eyes watering a little as she remembered the note she had left for him. “I think...I think I found that Maddie. I think we both did.”“We sure did,” Maddie whispered.---Or, while Eddie realizes some things about himself and Buck, Buck realizes what he's found.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Bobby Nash, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Christopher Diaz & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley & Maddie Buckley, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 31
Kudos: 415





	Because I Did It All (With You)

**Author's Note:**

> Man, Buck Begins was a roller coaster huh? Anyways, enjoy some fluffy happiness because IT'S WHAT THEY DESERVE.

Eddie fought back a sigh as he helped Hen restock the ambulance. He had to fight the sigh, since Hen had given him a look earlier when he had done it. He wasn’t trying to be dramatic, but he was worried. 

After they had all finished up at the factory, Bobby had driven Buck to the hospital. He had been coughing a little after they had all gotten back and since he had given the patient his oxygen mask, there was concern for smoke inhalation. So, they had left a few hours ago. And Eddie was impatiently waiting for them to get back.

He had seen the look on Buck’s face when he had been sitting in the ambulance. He could tell that Buck was having a hard time. Of course, that had been easy to see before the call, with Buck’s self-deprecating humor and the way he avoided Chimney. So, Eddie wanted to make sure his best friend was okay. Which was totally normal.

“Excuse me?” Hen and Eddie looked up, spotting two people standing there. Eddie narrowed his eyes, trying to figure out why they looked familiar. “We’re uh...we’re looking for our son Evan?” Eddie tried to not frown as he realized these were Buck’s parents, Margaret and Phillip. He was about to say something, when Chimney swooped in. 

“Mr. and Mrs. Buckley,” He said, attempting a smile. “Uh, is everything okay?”

“Of course, Howard.” Eddie glanced at Hen, who tried to not snort at Chimney being referred to by his first name. “We just really were hoping to speak with Evan.”

“He’s not actually here right now,” Chimney said. “But if you want to, you can wait upstairs until he gets back?”

“If it’s not too much trouble.” Chimney nodded and led them upstairs. Eddie watched them, narrowing his eyes. Until their visit, Buck hadn’t talked about his parents much. And since Eddie had a difficult relationship with his own parents, he didn’t push. So, of the little Eddie had learned about the Buckleys, he didn’t like.

“Come on,” Hen said, nudging his arm. Eddie gave her a look. “Those people deserve to know how much their son matters.” She headed towards the loft and Eddie followed, realizing Hen had a point. 

They did need to hear how much Buck mattered. They needed to know who their son really was.

* * *

“So, where is Evan?” Buck’s parents were sitting at one of the smaller tables. Chimney had grabbed Buck’s mom a glass of water, but her hands were folded neatly in her lap. 

“Our captain drove him to uh...to the hospital.” Both of their faces paled. “He’s fine! It’s just a precaution.”

“We were dealing with a five-alarm fire at a factory,” Hen said, jumping in. “Buck gave his oxygen mask to one of the workers who was still stuck inside. So our Captain wanted him to get checked out. He’ll be fine though, Buck always bounces back.” Buck’s parents glanced at each other and Hen smiled. “Also, I’m Hen and this is Eddie. We’ve worked with Buck for a few years now. Also, I’m your future grandchild’s godmother.”

“Ruin the surprise why don’t you,” Chimney muttered and Hen chuckled. 

“You're my son’s godfather,” Hen said. “I would be insulted if you didn’t choose me.” Eddie just chuckled at their banter before noticing that Buck’s parents were watching them. 

“You all seem close,” Phillip pointed out and Margaret nodded. 

“Well when you spend fifty hours a week together,” Chimney began. “You become close.”

“Like a family,” Eddie said, finally speaking up.

“So, you all spend time together outside of work?” Margaret asked. “Not just Howard and Evan?”

“We do,” Hen said. “Sometimes we go out for dinner and drinks after the shift. Sometimes we have barbecues at our captain’s house. Like Eddie said, we’re like a family. Though, some of us spend more time with your kids than others.” She glanced at Chimney and Eddie, a smirk on her face. Eddie felt Buck’s parents glance over at him.

“Eddie, right?” Margaret asked. “Are you close with Evan?” Eddie wanted to roll his eyes. Close wasn’t the right word. He and Buck spent almost all of their free time together. They were always at each other’s places (though they were at Eddie’s much more now that Buck had Albert as a roommate). They had video game nights all the time. They watched movies with Christopher. He tolerated the teasing that came from Buck and Christopher about his piss-poor cooking abilities because he liked seeing the two of them laugh.

There weren’t words for what he and Buck were. Or maybe there were and Eddie was scared to go there. Maybe Eddie knew exactly what they should be but he was scared to cross that line.

“He’s my best friend,” Eddie said, even though that felt wrong, even though Buck was so much more to him than that. “He’s always got my back and I’ve got his. Not to mention, he’s great with my kid.”

“You have a son?” Eddie nodded, taking out his phone. It took him no time at all to find a picture of Buck with Christopher. He passed his phone to Buck’s parents. “Oh, he’s adorable.”

“And he adores Buck,” Eddie said, not caring that the Buckley’s called their son Evan. Eddie called him Buck because that was what Buck preferred. “Almost as much as Buck adores him.” They handed Eddie his phone back as Eddie continued. “Buck does what he can for everyone around them. He doesn’t give up on people, even when the odds seem against him. He tries to save as many people as possible, both on the job and off.”

“I would hope he doesn’t have to do much saving off the job,” Phillip said, glancing at Margaret. Eddie raised an eyebrow and glanced at Hen and Chimney. 

“Oh um.” Chimney awkwardly fidgeted with his hands. “I guess you both don’t know about the tsunami.”

“Tsunami?” Margaret asked, her face paling again. 

“The one that hit the Santa Monica Pier a year ago,” Eddie said. “Buck was at the pier that day. With my son. And he saved him. He saved a lot of people that day and he wasn’t even on duty that day.”

“Buck is a hero,” Hen said, sensing some tension in Eddie’s words. Eddie was trying to be polite, but the fact that the Buckley’s didn’t even know that Buck had been caught up in the tsunami frustrated him. How could these people not love Buck? How could anyone look at that man and not love every single part of him? “With or without the uniform.”

“You all speak so highly of him.”

“You do that for family,” Eddie said, before walking away. He didn’t need to talk to the Buckley’s anymore. It was clear they were never going to know Buck. At least, not in the way that he knew Buck. 

They’d never love Buck in the way that he did.

* * *

Buck glanced out the window, a sigh bubbling up as he did. He had been given the all clear from the doctor. And while he was glad that he didn’t have any issues from smoke inhalation, he still felt off. Of course, he was sure that had more to do with his parents visiting, the subsequent fighting, and Maddie dropping a bombshell family secret on him.

“You okay kid?” He glanced over at Bobby. When he had started coughing a few hours ago at the station, Bobby had quickly suggested that he get checked out by a doctor. And since Buck was already so drained, both emotionally and physically, he had quietly agreed, following Bobby to the Captain’s car.

“Yeah,” Buck said. Bobby gave him a look and Buck sighed. “I don’t know honestly. I’m glad Saleh is okay. I’m glad I’m okay, but I still just feel...I don’t know, tired, I guess?”

“Well you’ve been through a lot,” Bobby said. “And all in this last week alone.”

“Yeah,” Buck said with a sigh. “I just don’t know what to do. I want to be furious at my parents and Maddie for lying to me. I want to be furious for everything they put me through. But all I feel is…”

“Empty?” Buck nodded, glancing at Bobby. He noticed a soft, but sad expression cross his captain’s face. “You weren’t allowed to grieve a family member.” Buck nodded again. “But grief does awful things to people. I know that when I lost Marcy and my kids, I slid down into a dark hole letting the grief cloud what I did. And I’m sure your parents and Maddie felt the same way.”

“So are you saying I should forgive them?” Buck asked. “Because I don’t know if I can do that Bobby.”

“Their grief is why they lied to you,” Bobby said. “But your parents' grief is no excuse for them not being there for you. A parents’ job is to love their child, plain and simple. So, while maybe their grief had them do questionable things, that shouldn’t have stopped them from loving you.” 

Buck sniffed, looking out the window. He couldn’t imagine the sheer heartbreak that his parents and Maddie had gone through losing Daniel. But they shouldn’t have kept that from him. And they shouldn’t have let their grief impact how they treated him. But they had and Buck didn’t know to move past that. 

“Whether or not you choose to forgive your parents,” Bobby said, continuing. “There’s one thing you should know.” Buck wiped his eyes before looking over at Bobby. Bobby glanced over at Buck, smiling. “You’ve got people that love you kid.” Buck smiled a little.

“Thanks Bobby.”

“Anytime kid.” And maybe things weren’t perfect. Maybe Buck still needed to talk to his parents and Maddie, both conversations he was dreading. But he also was starting to feel lighter than he had in days. He was starting to lean towards being okay. He was starting to feel less hollow than he had all week.

* * *

Eddie watched Buck head upstairs, fighting back a sigh. He knew Buck needed to talk to his parents. And as much as Eddie wanted to be by his side during that, he knew Buck needed to do that alone. 

So, once Buck’s figure had disappeared into the loft, Eddie tucked his hands into his pockets and walked towards the locker room. 

He couldn’t help but think about the look on Buck’s face when he had said ‘I had to do it’. Of course Eddie knew that, but it was the way Buck had said it, like he was seeking validation. Like he was still seeking everyone’s approval. And Eddie wanted to give Buck that approval. 

He wanted to give Buck everything. 

That realization should’ve knocked Eddie off his feet. But it didn’t. Because they had been building towards this. This had to be where they were heading. And realizing that didn’t scare Eddie. 

In fact, it made him want to tell Buck.

“Hey.” Eddie was shaken out of his thoughts by Chimney approaching him. “Is Buck back?”

“Yeah. He went upstairs.” Chimney nodded. “Everything okay?”

“Oh, uh yeah,” Chimney said, glancing up at the loft. Eddie noticed Chimney hitting his phone against his hand nervously. 

“Chim.” Chimney looked back at Eddie, who sent his friend a reassuring nod. “Buck will forgive Maddie.” Chimney went to say something, but Eddie continued. “He’ll forgive her. He always forgives.” Chimney glanced up at the loft and nodded, letting out a breath, before walking away. Eddie glanced up as well, hoping that everything was going okay and that he could talk to Buck, and really talk to Buck, at some point in the near future.

* * *

Buck smiled a little as he left Maddie’s apartment. He had known all along, that for as much as he was upset with Maddie, he could never be mad at her for long. It was like he had told her, they always had each other. His parents were far from perfect and he was sure they were still going to struggle with showing him the kind of love he was looking for. But he had Maddie. And Maddie had always loved him, no matter what. And even with the lies, that had been more important than anything. 

He pulled his phone out of his pocket, quickly pulling up his recent calls. As he walked to his car, his thumb hovered over Eddie’s name, a warm and fuzzy feeling crashing through him like it always did. He sighed to himself, deciding he’d deal with those feelings later and pressed Eddie’s name. 

“ _Hey Buck.”_ Buck smiled as he got into his car, moving the call to the speaker. “ _How did everything go with Maddie?”_

“It went really well,” Buck said as he started his car. “I was actually just leaving. Trying to figure out what I should do for dinner.” He heard Eddie chuckle and Buck’s smile only grew.

“ _Hey mijo. Do you want to come over for pizza and video games?”_ Buck chuckled as he heard an excited shout in the background. _“See you soon Buck.”_ The call ended and Buck started to drive. That light feeling from earlier was back and Buck was starting to think it wasn’t going away.

* * *

“Hey guys!” Buck called as he walked into Eddie’s house. He heard the echo of footsteps and couldn’t help but smile when he saw Christopher.

“Hi Buck!” Christopher said, beaming up at him. Buck squatted down and hugged the boy. Christopher just giggled before hugging Buck back, his crutches bumping a little against Buck’s back. Buck held on a little longer than normal, but Christopher didn’t seem to mind. When Buck pulled away, he saw Eddie watching them, a fond smile on his face. Buck ducked his head, feeling a familiar warmth cross his cheeks. He couldn’t help it when Eddie looked at him like that.

“Dad says we’re going to watch movies and order pizza,” Christopher said, getting Buck’s attention. 

“Sounds like a great time,” Buck said, ruffling Christopher’s hair. 

“Go pick a movie, mijo,” Eddie said, walking over. “We’ll be there in one second.” Christopher nodded and left the room. Once he was gone, Buck glanced over at Eddie. “I wanted to talk to you.”

“Wanted to call me out for being a show-off again?” Buck asked with a smirk. But when he saw the soft look on Eddie’s face, the smirk fell away. “Eds?”

“I, uh.” A nervous look crossed Eddie’s face and Buck thought for a moment that he saw a faint blush cross Eddie’s cheek. “I just...after talking to your parents and what you’ve been through, I...Why is this so hard?”

“If I knew what you were doing,” Buck said, a familiar swooping in his stomach beginning. “I could maybe help?” Eddie just chuckled, his hand coming up to rest on Buck’s shoulder. Buck thought, for a moment, he was imagining what this was. He thought maybe he had imagined the blush on Eddie’s cheeks and Eddie wasn’t trying to confess something to him. 

But those doubts were proved to be wrong when Eddie’s thumb gently traced a trail along Buck’s collarbone and up to his jaw.

“You deserve love,” Eddie whispered, his thumb caressing Buck’s jaw. “You deserve people who love you.” Buck swallowed looking into those deep hickory eyes that Buck adored, that Buck could get lost in, that Buck could drown in.

“And where am I going to find that love?" Buck whispered, glancing down at Eddie’s lips. Instead of answering, Eddie closed the space between them, pressing a soft kiss to Buck’s lips. Buck grasped onto Eddie’s hips, melting forward in shock that Eddie was kissing him. But as he swirled deeper and deeper into the kiss, the shock melted away into something Buck had never expected.

“I love you,” Eddie said when they pulled away. Buck let out a breath, letting his forehead fall against Eddie’s. “I love you, and Christopher loves you, and we both want you to be here all the time.”

“I love you too,” Buck said, looking up at Eddie. “I never thought…”

“You deserve my love,” Eddie whispered. Buck felt a few tears drip down his face. But they weren’t tears of sadness. They were tears of happiness. A smile drifted across his face as Eddie reached his thumb up and swiped the tears away. Buck was ready to lean back towards Eddie and kiss him again. 

But then his phone started ringing, pulling them out of the moment.

“Seriously,” Buck whined, earning a chuckle from Eddie. Buck pulled away from him, rolling his eyes at the brunette. "We're not done here." Eddie just nodded, a soft look in his eyes. Buck checked his phone, his head tilting when he saw it was Athena. “I should uh…” Eddie just nodded, a smile on his face. 

_“Hey Buckaroo.”_ Athena’s voice came through crystal clear as he answered the call. _“Any chance you’re free tonight? Bobby and I wanted to invite you over for dinner._ ”

“Oh uh.” Buck glanced over at Eddie, who simply reached for Buck’s hand, letting their fingers interlace. “I was actually about to order dinner for myself, Eddie, and Christopher.”

_“Well bring them along. We’ve got enough food.”_ Buck glanced at Eddie, who simply nodded.

“We’ll be there soon.” He ended the call and glanced down at his and Eddie’s intertwined fingers. When he glanced back up, he blushed a little when he saw the soft smile on Eddie’s face. 

“We should get going,” Eddie said, gently squeezing Buck’s hand. “Hey Chris! Change of plans! Put your shoes on mijo.” And as they heard Christopher coming towards them to get his shoes, Buck just watched Eddie, a smile on his face and that lightness starting to reach his heart.

* * *

Buck was usually a pretty observant guy. Between his job and his constant curiosity, he noticed a lot. But currently, all he was noticing was how nice it felt to have Eddie’s hand in his. Currently, all he was thinking about was wanting to kiss Eddie again. So, it was probably why he didn’t notice all the cars in Athena’s driveway and on the street. 

“Are there other people inside?” Buck asked as they got to the door, hearing voices echo from the other side. Eddie chuckled and glanced back at the driveway. Buck followed his eyes, finally seeing all the cars. “Oh.”

“Distracted I see,” Eddie mumbled as Christopher rang the doorbell. 

“You seem to have that effect on me,” Buck whispered to him, his hand brushing against Eddie’s. Eddie simply grinned, squeezing Buck’s hand before letting go. 

“Well there you three are,” Athena said, as she opened the door. “Come on in.” She led them into the house, voices growing closer as Buck followed her. His eyebrows raised slightly when he saw everyone. Hen and Karen were talking with Michael and David as Harry and Denny ran around in the backyard. May was playing with Joy while talking to Maddie. Chimney was standing next to Bobby, talking with him as Bobby worked the grill.

The lightness from before was back, filling his entire being. For some reason, it made sense after the week he had had for everyone to be here. But a part of him was still that lonely kid, falling off things and getting hurt in hopes of gaining his parents attention. A part of him still thought that he needed to do something in order to get people to care about him. But he didn’t; these people were all there because they wanted to be. 

Because they loved him. 

“Well come on now,” Athena said, nudging Buck’s arm. “Food’s almost ready.” She headed down the stairs, joining in May and Maddie’s conversation. Eddie simply bumped Buck’s shoulder with his before following Christopher down the stairs. But Buck stayed frozen for a moment, simply watching everyone, feeling grateful that they were there, that they wanted to be there. 

“Hey.” He smiled when his sister approached, her hand wrapping around his arm. “Are you okay?”

“Everyone’s here,” He said softly, staring at these people who loved him without conditions, who loved him just because.

“Of course they are,” Maddie said, gently squeezing his arm as she looked up at him. “Because they love you.” Buck smiled looking around the room at the people who loved him, the people who were his family. He then looked back at his sister, who was watching him with a smile. 

“You know,” Buck said. “You told me, when I left home, to find the thing that makes me happy. To find the people who make me feel loved.” Maddie nodded, eyes watering a little as she remembered the note she had left for him. “I think...I think I found that Maddie. I think we both did.”

“We sure did,” Maddie whispered. Buck nodded with a smile before letting Maddie drag him towards everyone, his smile only growing bigger at the sight of his family.

* * *

Eddie made his way into the living room, smiling when he saw Buck sitting on the couch. Since they had driven together to Athena’s, it had only made sense for them to come back to Eddie’s afterwards. Christopher had been fast asleep in the car by the time they had gotten back, Eddie grinning from ear-to-ear when Buck had swooped in and carried the boy inside. 

And then Eddie had asked Buck to wait while he put Christopher down. And it delighted him to see that Buck had done just that.

“Tonight was nice,” Eddie said, sitting down next to Buck. Buck nodded, a pensive look on his face. “Buck?”

“Sorry,” Buck said, shaking his head. “I was just thinking.”

“Care to share?” Eddie asked, reaching for Buck’s hand. Buck smiled, letting his fingers interlace with Eddie’s.

“Earlier, when Bobby was driving me back,” Buck started. “I told him that I felt this...this sort of emptiness. After everything that happened, I just...I couldn’t figure out how I felt about all of it. But naming that feeling doesn’t matter as much now. Because that feeling’s gone.”

“Yeah?” Eddie asked and Buck nodded. “And what replaced it?” Buck simply smiled before leaning forward, letting his lips seal over Eddie’s. Eddie’s hand came up to cradle Buck’s cheek, the other wrapping around the nape of his neck, angling Buck down to deepen the kiss. Buck just reached his hand out, his fingers tangling in the fabric of Eddie’s shirt, tugging the brunette closer.

“Love,” Buck said, pulling away briefly from Eddie. The brunette looked up at him, his eyes twinkling brightly, a smile stretching across his face. 

“Feels pretty good, huh?” Eddie asked and Buck smiled. Buck just leaned back towards Eddie, capturing his lips in another kiss. He didn’t need to answer when they both already knew Buck’s answer.

Because yes, knowing his friends and family loved him did feel pretty good.

**Author's Note:**

> [Scream with me on my Tumblr?](https://doctornineandthreequarters.tumblr.com)


End file.
